Pence Says Deep State Made Him Certify Election

If called to testify at Donald Trump’s Georgia subversion trial, Mike Pence will plead that ‘a vast and terrifying Deep State Conspiracy‘ left him no choice but to certify the election.

Sources familiar with court documents still under seal, say the former vice-president will claim the enormous scale of the conspiracy left him frightened “I might be hung after all”. Pence plans to tell the court the conspirators “knew everything about me, where I worked, my very private views on adultery and homosexuality, they even knew where I lived?“

“The scale of the thing really scared me,” Pence’s statement says. “It involved a network of members of the federal government, including the Department of Justice? It involved the 12th amendment and the US constitution itself. Even the founding fathers were implicated in restricting a vice-president’s freedom to move. Basically, the entire state was in on the fix!”

Trump responded by saying “This blows the lid off what we already know”.

When asked for comment, a White House spokesman said “Monday night is Italian night but the president has authorized me to say he’s up to his ears in a deep dish conspiracy right now and unable to come to the phone”.